Grief Is Personal: Why Rituals Don’t Fit Everyone

Saying goodbye to a loved one is never easy. In many cultures, burial ceremonies are filled with deep symbolism and traditions that are meant to honor the deceased and help the living begin the healing process.

One such ritual, common in various communities, is the act of throwing soil into the grave a gesture believed to show respect, love, and final farewell.

But what happens when someone feels forced to participate in this ritual? What if grief, trauma, or personal beliefs make that moment feel less like respect and more like pressure?

Burial rituals, while sacred and meaningful, can sometimes create emotional conflicts, especially when people are still trying to process their loss.

In many communities, such practices are rooted in history. Throwing soil is believed to symbolize the return of the body to the earth “from dust to dust.” It’s also seen as a final act of respect, allowing loved ones to actively take part in the farewell.

But grief is personal. Not everyone is ready to perform these acts, and that’s okay.

We often forget that there’s no one right way to grieve. Some people cry, others remain silent. Some find comfort in tradition, while others need space to mourn in their own way. Forcing someone to act against their feelings can make their pain even heavier.

Respecting traditions is important, but so is respecting people’s emotions. Cultural practices should guide healing, not hinder it. If someone chooses not to throw soil, light a candle, or say a prayer, it doesn’t mean they loved the deceased any less. It simply means their heart is grieving in its own language.

Perhaps it’s time we allow space in our traditions room for quiet grief, hesitation, or even refusal. Because the most meaningful goodbyes are the ones that come from the heart, not just the hand.

Let us honor the dead and the living with empathy, not expectations.